


say 'what' to the bot

by captainskellington



Category: Star Wars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8080357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainskellington/pseuds/captainskellington
Summary: BB-8 has a wedding to plan.(But maybe the couple should actually, you know. Date first?)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Eventually used "it" pronouns for BB-8 as a result of the general opinion on Twitter. Sorry if that puts anyone off.

“And then-- alright, hang on a second,” Poe covered the small screen he was speaking into and stepped back from the droid, who was hovering around his legs and tripping him up. “BB-8, what?” he said with an amused twitch of his lips.

[ WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR ], BB-8 asked, stretching out a pincer to offer its friend the spanner he’d misplaced just before taking the call.

Poe laughed and thanked it. “I’ve never really put much thought into it, buddy,” he answered after a moment, uncovering the screen again. “What about you guys?”

BB-8 trilled happily as it glimpsed the two faces on the screen. Finn was crystal clear, calling from elsewhere in the base, but Rey was pixelated, off training on that farflung planet with the Skywalker for the time being. BB-8 was proud of this, it had played a fundamental part in the finding of the Skywalker. Or so it was according to Poe, at least, who reminded it of this as often as he was able.

“Green,” Rey enthused immediately, her picture freezing and jumping so one second she was sitting back from the camera and the next she was right up close. “Green, or that - what was it, Finn, the colour of the ice shadow-”

“Turquoise?” Finn said.

“Turquoise,” Rey repeated, nodding.

“Leaves and ice, somehow I’m not surprised,” Poe smiled. Rey’s planet had been all desert, BB-8 recalled. Desert, and people trying to kill them.

Poe offered the screen to BB-8 and it took it with a chirp as he delved his arm back into the bowels of his X-wing with his recovered wrench. “You, Finn?”

“I-” Finn was walking down a hallway and grinned sheepishly at someone before letting himself into what was presumably his room. “Sorry, people were looking at me weird. Uh, favorite color? Anything that isn’t black or white. Or red,” he added after a moment’s hesitation.

“Do you have a favorite color?” Rey said, and her attention was directed to BB-8. It found it interesting how it could tell exactly where she was looking, even as it could tell that Finn was distractedly watching Poe at work.  
BB-8 swiveled its lens around them, at a loss.

[ I ENJOY ALL COLORS ], it responded.

“Orange,” Finn said, all of a sudden busily rummaging for something out of shot. “I-- orange is a good colour.”

Rey wiped a knowing smirk off her lips before it fully formed in order to pull a face. “Sand and dirt, no thanks.”

Poe, still in his luminous flight suit, continued his work obliviously. “Dirt has its merits,” he mused, pausing to scratch at his nose. He left a smear of oil where he scratched, then glanced from the screen to BB-8. “Earth, brown. Yeah, that’s a good colour. The sky and flight is beautiful and all, but getting your feet on solid dirt always… well, grounds you. Although,” he smiles, brandishing the wrench at BB-8. “I am also partial to fuchsia.”

“You would be, wouldn’t you,” Jessika said, appearing from behind Poe’s X-wing and nudging him with the toe of her boot. She blew the screen a kiss and it looked for all the planet as though Rey was blushing.

[ THOSE COLOURS WILL NEVER WORK ], BB-8 quietly beeped to itself in dismay. It would just have to pick for them. White was customary, it knew. Perhaps Rey’s selection was most apt, hints of turquoise would be acceptably complementary for the skin tones of both Poe and Finn.

It watched as Jessika settled to the ground beside Poe and something was said - by Finn, presumably - that made Poe look utterly enamoured. Jessika bit her lip to try not to laugh.

BB-8 abruptly halted its thoughts when something suddenly occurred to it. Of course, they would have to make do with whatever materials the Resistance had on hand, there was no logic in working from a colour they had no access to. BB-8 resisted the urge to mimic a humanoid eye-roll. It was getting much too carried away with all of this.

These were no suitable conditions under which to plan a wedding.

***

BB-8 was a planner. It planned for every eventuality and enjoyed doing it. If it were prone to the same tendencies as Poe, it would perhaps have thought of itself as the best planner in the galaxy.

And, it knew, it wouldn't necessarily have been wrong.

It emerged from its thoughts for a moment to greet a fellow droid with a cheery series of whirring beeps as they passed in the corridor.

BB-8 had been observing the behaviour of both Poe and Finn in the weeks of their acquaintance, and the data it had compiled made a wedding seem an entirely all-too-likely scenario to not be prepared for.

At first the affection had only been obvious in Poe: from the moment they'd been reunited, Finn had clearly taken a place of high priority in Poe’s life. BB-8 had been fast to notice the brightening of its friend’s already perpetually bright mood whenever he was around Finn, even whenever the other man was so much as brought up in conversation.

BB-8 consulted a bundle of old memories stored in its hard drive.

One, Poe running across the baking hot ground to embrace Finn, relief and disbelief evident in all he did.

Three, running across that same patch of ground after an unconscious Finn getting hastily wheeled to the medbay, a complete reversal of the previous emotions and everything BB-8 had taken to associate with its friend; despair and anxiety and… fear.

Six, Finn grinning despite the pain and confusion fogging up his medication-addled brain as he awoke in the medbay to the sight of a bedraggled Poe curled up in a devastatingly uncomfortable chair at his bedside, snoring gently.

Multiple numbers, Poe oh-so-casually slinging an arm across Finn’s shoulders, Finn’s cheeks reddening ever so slightly as he subtly let himself lean closer to Poe. Talking in low voices to each other at the table in the canteen amongst all their friends for all the world as though nobody else was there. Poe and Finn, Poe and Finn, Poe and Finn.

Countless, Poe's heart breaking every time he saw Finn only to mend right back up again with every word they spoke.

Countless, Finn being deliriously happy to even be caught up in the pilot’s wake, and trying not to be too obvious about it.

BB-8 hummed to itself, a happy approximation of a tune it had heard one of the other pilots singing a week or so back. It settled itself into a docking station to plug into the mainframe undisturbed, and began to access the information it had been downloading before it went to find Rey.

Back to research, then.

***

“Why is it doing that,” Finn asked, bemused to the point of monotone. He had met Poe in his quarters before dinner under the pretense of asking something entirely mundane. BB-8 didn’t know how he thought he was fooling anyone, but apparently it worked on Poe.

Poe glanced over his shoulder. BB-8 had emptied one of his drawers of clothing onto the floor and was sifting through each t-shirt in turn. BB-8 took the opportunity to lift a turquoise t-shirt and compare the colour to the men’s skin. It was as it had suspected, Rey’s favourite colour was perfect for both of them.

“It appears to have taken an interest in fashion,” Poe shook his head fondly. “Whatever oils your gears, little guy. Hey, pass me that one. No, the blue- or, alright, the orange. Thanks.”

Finn pointedly averted his gaze as Poe stripped off his stained shirt and pulled on the clean, helpfully provided orange one with some unintelligible slogan across the front. BB-8 didn’t miss Finn glancing at Poe’s well-muscled back before having to physically turn himself away, though. BB-8 didn’t miss much.

It whistled innocently. Finn glared at it.

Poe turned, laughing when he saw the look on Finn’s face. “Play nice, kids.”

BB-8 released an affronted beep at the term, which just made Poe laugh even more, which in turn caused Finn to crack a smile.

“Come on,” said Poe, taking hold of Finn’s shoulders and steering him out the door. “Food. You’re so grumpy when you’re hungry.”

At some point BB-8 had simply stopped keeping track of how many moments built up between the two men. They were frequent, constant, never-ending, and BB-8 had long since reached a high enough number to render its preparations undeniably useful.

*** ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

“We could use BB-8,” a whisper drifted from a slightly ajar door. The droid slowed to a halt outside the room, hearing its name and recognising the voice of the speaker.

“No,” another voice - Rey - responded, voice equally low. “BB-8 would be incredibly useful, but it tells Poe everything. We can't spook either of them, it might set them back and ruin what little is already going on.”

BB-8 let out a quiet, inquisitive bloop, but after a moment of thought concluded that it wasn’t supposed to hear whatever was going on and started moving again. The droid had too much respect for Rey - and Jessika, the owner of the other voice - to go against her wishes.

Even if it had been looking for Rey in the first place, BB-8’s queries could wait. It would track her down when she wasn’t otherwise engaged and ask her opinions on its compilation of data.

In the meantime, it would just have to continue planning Poe and Finn’s wedding on its own.

***

[ REY? ]

“Mm-hmm?”

[ WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF … ], BB-8 made a frustrated noise and tried to sound out the word. [ CON. FET. TI? ]

“Con… what?”

[ CONFETTI. IT IS TRADITIONALLY THROWN AT WEDDINGS. PARTIES. I CANNOT LOCATE THE PURPOSE. ]

Rey paused in rooting around under her bed for a pair of boots and frowned at the droid. “I’ve never heard of it. To be fair, I’ve never attended a wedding either, but that’s a totally new one for me. Why do you ask?”

[ I AM MAKING PREPARATIONS. ]

“Are we having a party?”

[ IT IS AN EVENTUALITY THAT SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR. ]

She gave up on her boot hunt altogether and turned to face BB-8, eyes narrowed. “Alright, spill it.”

BB-8 cocked its eyepiece. [ I AM NOT CARRYING ANYTHING CAPABLE OF SPILLAGE. ]

“It- it’s a figure of speech, BB-8. I can never tell whether or not you’re kidding when you do that, you know?” she shook her head. “Tell me what you’re preparing for. You’re unnerving the force out of Poe and Finn, and there are… other things we’re trying to get them to focus on.”

[ OTHER -- ]

BB-8’s query was interrupted by Jessika, skidding gleefully to a halt in Rey’s doorway. “I did it,” she giggled breathlessly.

“Jess, you didn’t,” Rey got to her feet, all thoughts of interrogating BB-8 forgotten for the time being. “You _didn’t_.”

“I _did_. Come on,” she said, grabbing Rey’s hand and tugging her out the door, leaving BB-8 with no other choice than to dutifully roll after them.

BB-8 recognised the route to the repairs bay instantly.

BB-8 also recognised the muffled shouts that emerged from a sanitation closet in a lesser used corridor leading out of the bay.

“Are you ok?” were the first decipherable words that came from the closet; Poe’s.

“Just got very closely acquainted with a bucket, it’s fine,” Finn said, voice faint.

Rey stuffed a knuckle into her mouth to stifle a laugh.

“I told you,” Jess whispered. BB-8 beeped inquisitively.

“Buddy, is that you?” Poe said through the door. Before BB-8 could formulate a response Rey was in front of it on the floor, rapidly shaking her head, a finger to her lips. Jess covered her own mouth with both hands.

BB-8 hastily calculated that the most efficient way to receive aid from Rey and Jessika in its preparations, should it come to need them, would be to go along with whatever they were scheming.

It also conceded that Poe and Finn being trapped in close quarters with each other, for whatever reason the situation had come to pass, could be in no way a bad thing.

It silently stretched out its lighter and flicked it on.

Rey grinned triumphantly and Jess pulled her to her feet and away down the corridor again.

BB-8 paused for a minute to check the door. It was a simple broom closet, meaning all that secured the door was a simple lock that could be picked easily enough should Poe come to his senses.

Which, granted that he was trapped in close confinement with Finn, could very well take quite some time.

Inside, Poe sighed and Finn murmured something quiet. BB-8 could hear the men settling down on the floor.

Convinced that no harm could come to either of the two, it turned and dutifully followed the fast retreating footsteps of the girls who, it now realised, were every bit as ‘up to something’ as it was itself.

***

BB-8 whirled rapidly into Poe’s cabin, aware that it was well past lights out and its friend was most likely unconscious by this hour.

It had been deeper into the accommodation facilities of the base, scoping out a larger room that had been recently vacated.

One half of a couple who had occupied the quarters had received a promotion and so they'd been upgraded to a room befitting the appropriate rank, which meant BB-8 had been able to assess Poe and Finn’s future accommodation prospects.

The rooms were perfectly satisfactory, and BB-8 had hung around to give the cleaning droid a hand - well, pincer - in tidying the place up, and chat about recent goings-on in the resistance.

Not allowing time for its sensors to adjust to the darkness of Poe’s room after the dim light of the hallway, it addressed the heaped shadow on the bed.

[  POE  ?  ]

No response.

[  POE  ?  ]

No response.

[  POE  ?  ]

And again.

BB-8 did what could only be described as a robotic eye-roll, approached the bed and let out an incoherent, shrill bleeping sound.

The shape leapt up with an alarmed shout.

“BB-8? What the hell?”

BB-8 shut down the process of making its enquiry through sheer confusion.

Another shape rolled over with a groan and rubbed its face.

“What's up, buddy?”

[ > COMPUTE : FINN IN POE’S BED ? ]

[ > ERROR ]

[ > COMPUTE : POE IN BED WITH FINN ? ]

[ > ERROR ]

[ > COMPUTE : JESSIKA AND REY , UNKNOWN OPERATION , SUCCESSFUL ? ]

“BB-8?” Poe sounded more sleepy than concerned. Finn let himself drop back down onto the mattress with a muttered complaint about his heart rate.

BB-8 made a whirring sound, swivelled its head from side to side and moved away, docking itself at its station in the corner of the room.

“Hey,” Poe said softly, prodding Finn in the side. “I think we broke my bot.”

Finn chuckled.

***

BB-8 was ashamed.

It couldn't believe it had let itself get so carried away with wedding planning that it hadn't thought to plan for the preceding stage of courting.

Of course, it didn't mention this to any of the others. It knew that such news was theirs to tell, and theirs alone.

Now BB-8 thought about it, though, it was sure Rey and Jess had been trying to precipitate this exact circumstance all along.

It was somewhat smug that it was privy to this information while they were not.

Plus, it meant when Poe slipped up and kissed Finn’s cheek goodbye at lunch as he stood to return to work some weeks later, it was prepared to successfully capture the wonderful image of one part glee to two parts disbelief on the faces of all of their friends, to store for future use.

Which, it would turn out, didn't hold a candle to the reaction Poe and Finn would have the morning after announcing their engagement two years later, when BB-8 projected a concise but fully prepared powerpoint presentation of their wedding arrangements onto their bedroom wall and announced that it had waited three years for this.

Said reaction being, “ _What?_ ”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Will update this fully next time I'm on my computer (and correct tags and double check format and everything). Hope you enjoyed!  
> Message me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/serhawke) or [Tumblr](http://cityelf.tumblr.com) if you spot anything that needs changing.


End file.
